I have always wanted the truth.
Being raised Catholic, I was poorly educated in the Faith, probably because, being in a wheelchair, people assumed that I was “closer to God” and, therefore, going straight to Heaven after death. Sadly, that bias is ignorant of the fullness of reality: not only sin and every human’s ability to fail (I am fully human), but also the sublime beauty of knowing God on earth, here and now. Loving life, I want the fullness of reality. Ever-curious and wanting what is true, even when it hurts, I was particularly created to seek the fullness of truth, body and soul.
Not long after receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation, I turned to comparative mythology and then away from Christianity as a dead question, like many of my generation. Not wanting to believe in the soul and a higher power out of fear and desire for comfort, I chose to become an atheist. I liked being an atheist, but it was short-lived. Because one day…
Silent and still beneath a grape arbor, I was enjoying the beauty of the day and of nothing beyond everything. Or what I thought was nothing, a void. Then…beneath the layers of sound, I became aware of Silence beyond the silence…Present Presence that is infinity, eternity, and I knew that this was the ultimate reality that everyone calls God. Not wanting to clutter my mind with concepts, words, or images for anything beyond my physical senses, I was tempted to disregard this new knowledge. To ignore infinite and eternal reality, however, would mean that I could no longer call myself a lover of truth.
After years of searching for connection to the Infinite/Eternal One, the Uncreated Creator, the Source of Being, the Author of Life, and after many explorations into new and ancient religions, I was much surprised to find so much truth in the teachings of Christianity. Reading the very first part of the Catechism of the Catholic Church floored me. Could this man, Jesus, the Christ, actually be God Incarnate? Nothing else on earth spoke to me more loudly about the Silence beyond the silence, more intimately about Infinity, more grittily about Love, than the Mystery of the Incarnation. In tremulous awe of the humility of God, I took the leap of faith.
And now, after continuous and ongoing exploration, I have consecrated myself to the Sacred Heart of Jesus — the Heart of truth, the Heart of love, the Heart of God — Divine Incarnate for me. This blog holds my reflections, thus consecrated. I invite you to reflect with me for the love of truth, for the love of God.
© 2013 Christina Chase