My father had open heart surgery this past Monday because of blocked coronary arteries. He had a septuple bypass – I didn’t even know one could have that many! We were all very surprised that he needed this and also very grateful that he had never had a heart attack. He works so hard and with his circulatory system the way it was… I believe that God was definitely watching over him. The surgeons were very confident that he would get through the surgery well and that it would be successful because he is in good shape, not overweight, doesn’t drink and doesn’t smoke. Still… It was major surgery and we know that things can happen…
Thankfully, he did get through the surgery well and, so far, he is recovering successfully. Someone told me that there are so many people praying for a good result for him that God wouldn’t dare to disappoint them. But, I don’t think it really works that way. First of all, God is pretty daring. Second of all, God’s will is God’s will. We know that God hears all prayers and answers all of the prayers of the faithful. What that answer is, however, is hidden in the mind of God until it is revealed. And it isn’t always the answer that had been sought.
God’s answer to our prayers may be “Yes, that is what I will and you shall receive it for it is for your good.” Or, God’s answer to our prayers may be “No, that is not what is best for you, but I will lovingly give you what is for your good.” And sometimes that thing that is for our good doesn’t seem very good at first. Maybe it never does in this life. But, ultimately, when we see the big picture, when we look through the loving eyes of God with the Beatific Vision, we will understand and see the good. For God works in mysterious ways, ways that are far above our own ways.
I have faith that God will protect and keep my father safe always. But, I do not want to pretend to know the mind of God. No human does. I am grateful for every day and for every hour of every day and I know that God is good. I know that, in order to be a true believer, in order to be someone who truly loves God and, so, someone who is who she is created to be, then I must trust God. When one reads the stories of the Saints and knows that there can be blessings in sufferings, it is a very scary thing to trust God! Yet, this is what I am called to do. For the past week, this is what I have been trying to do. Only God knows how well or how poorly I have been doing it. Thankfully, God is merciful!
My family doesn’t deserve any better blessings than any other family on earth. God loves everybody, God desires the best, the true good, and the truest joy, for everybody. My father will receive nothing more and nothing less. This is what I believe. It is only up to us to await God’s will, to be ready to receive the answer that God will reveal. I don’t see how I could ever be truly prepared for tragedy, for the sudden or early death of one of my loved ones. But, this kind of thing happens to people all of the time – and they are no less loved by God, no less blessed. I think the truest blessing lies in understanding that God is good. Through the easier and more pleasant times as well as through the rougher and more sorrowful times, God is good.
All the time.
God is good.
God knows my plea, God knows the deepest desire of my heart. I put my loved ones into his hands, begging for mercy, begging that I will not be put to the test. And then I thank God for what ever God wills. For, whatever God wills, God is good.
This is my faith. I don’t always live it well, not at all. One thing that I have learned so far from this experience is to remember that God loves me and created me for a very special and specific purpose. I cannot let myself get sidetracked from that purpose. My father gives so much of himself to take care of me and I want to make him proud. And I want to make God, my heavenly Father, proud. I am a writer. Please, God, help me, in my relationship with my dad, so that, living and loving with him, I may be the best writer that I can be. And thank you for his health so far – please continue to watch over him and to bless him with recovery, good health, and strength.
© 2015 Christina Chase
I don't call myself a poet — but the beating of my heart is poetry. I don't call myself a theologian — but the light of my mind seeks the Divine. Who I am is a Child of God, a Divine Creation, a person devoted to being fully human, fully alive.